If I leave
by SmurfZXC714
Summary: Song fics 1. If I leave 2. Where'd you go? 3 Clockwork 4. Innocence 5. Leave out all the rest 6. Holding onto you 7 It is what it is Disclaimer: I don't books, songs, or lyrics.
1. If I leave

**Okay so this is song fic. I LOVE this song, so listen to it when you read :) The stroy is based of the song, not the other way round.**

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**If I Leave**

**A Day to Remember**

_In the beginning I was up front  
Nothing to think about, you'd always hear me out  
We made a pact to never give up  
When everything would change, we'd always stay the same_

She always listened. Always, never asked questions. She was my main supporter always helped me, told me everything would be okay. I loved her for it. She was like my angel, I thought she would be there.

I often was gone on long missions, gone from her, from my friends. I remember when Bex went on a mission and didn't come back for two years. When she got back, Grant had moved on, found someone else. Everyone around us were changing. Liz went to go live in Colorado for a great job offer. Jonas went with her. Macey got pregnant and we have to help her out. No matter how different things became, we never changed.

_Something went wrong along the way  
You'd come around and there's nothing left to say  
It's like we're strangers anyway, what more could you ask of me  
It's been a long time coming, but everyones gonna hear me now_

Then _it _happened. One drunken night ruined it all. I suppose you could say it was my fault. I'd gotten you pissed off about something, and she'd stormed off. I didn't know where at the time. Then she came back to the apartment, drunk. With _Josh_. I could tell she'd already done something with him, her lips were swollen as were his. I kicked him out before he could do anything you'd regret, I was mad to say the least.

"Zach," she had said. "I want to be with Josh, I'm tired of _you_. I think we should break up anyways."

The next morning when she woke up I could hear her apologizing, but it didn't seem to register in my brain. All I could remember was her kissing _him_ good bye. I didn't even listen to what she had to say. So when the director offered me a blackout mission, I took it. To get away from her. She had said she wanted to break up, maybe it was for the best. She'd hurt me enough. My angel had fallen.

All of our friends begged me to stay, saying it was a mistake. Cammie never did though, but that might have been because I never told her I was leaving.

_If I leave, bet you'll wish I'd stayed  
Make you regret all the things you said to me  
You know that time can't help us now,  
If I leave this, if I leave this way._

Maybe if it was like this she'd regret it. She would regret asking me to leave. It didn't matter though, this was a mission I wouldn't come back from. And if I did, maybe the time away would be good for us.

Maybe I'd come back and we could rewrite our lives together. Start over. Maybe I could forgive her.

_I've always been a man of action,  
Never let anything keep ahold of me  
Can always tell when somethings missing,  
Like I knew everything except for you and me  
I can't make you want to stay, I'll take a shot but it's broken anyway  
I still gave it everything, I guess I never catch my break  
It's been a long time coming, but everyones gonna hear me now _

I was usually the one who made mistakes. The one who always had to beg her for forgiveness. I guess things really do change. I could always tell when something was wrong, and I'd go fix it.

_ If I leave, bet you'll wish I'd stayed_

_Make you regret all the things you said to me  
You know that time can't help us now,  
You know that time can't help us now,  
if I leave I should move away,  
and try to right all the wrongs we've ever made_

_well let your problems weight me down  
If I leave this, if I leave this way. _

Never did it occur to me that we'd be the last ones to break up. I never thought we'd ever break up actually. Some how I knew you'd be watching me, telling me what to do, somewhere, somehow. You were my angel.

_Never thought you'd be the last one standing  
Never thought that we would come this far  
You'll always be there looking over my shoulder  
Come to terms with exactly what we are_

I was at the airport when I hear it. "ZACH!"  
I saw Cammie running full on towards me. With bed hair, and her pajamas still on, fuzzy slippers and all. I almost smiled at her appearance.

"Zach," she whimpered, finally reaching me. "Don't go. I'm sorry I was drunk, I didn't mean it," she said, tears streaming down her cheeks. I hated to see her like this.  
"I have to go."

"No. You don't, your only going because of what I did, what I said. Zach please don't go, not like this."

_If I leave, bet you'll wish I'd stayed  
Make you regret all the things you said to me  
You know that time can't help us now,  
You know that time can't help us now,  
if I leave I should move away,_

_and try to right all the wrongs we've ever made  
well let your problems weight me down,  
If I leave this, if I leave this way._

"Cam, I'm going," when she opened her mouth to speak he put his hands to her lips. "I'm leaving. But I'll come back. I promise." he kissed her long and hard, before he heard the last call for his flight. She hugged him tightly before whispering her goodbyes in his ears.

"I love you," was the last thing she said to him before he left her to get on that flight.

_Never thought you'd be the last one standing  
Never thought that we would come this far  
You'll always be there looking over my shoulder  
If I leave this, if I leave this way._

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**Like the song? Leave a review. :P **

**-Becca**


	2. Where'd You Go?

**Okay so this ones sad too. But i promise to make the next one happier**

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**_Where'd You Go? _**

**_Fort Minor_**

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_Where'd you go?  
I miss you so,  
Seems like it's been forever,  
That you've been gone._

Zach was on a mission. Again. It started 11 months ago. _Months._

Our little boy, Max, wonders where his daddy often disappears to. Max is only four, he doesn't know his father his a spy. He doesn't understand. All he knows is his dad is gone, and he doesn't knw whether he's coming back.

Zach didn't know I was two months pregnant when he left. I didn't know when he left, otherwise I would have told him, and he would have stayed. It was our second child together, a boy. I named him Sean Matthew Goode. He's almost three months old, he's never even met his father. Zach doesn't even know this child exists.

I wait by the phone, waiting for a call I know won't ever come. He can't call on missions, it's not allowed. Sometimes I get tired of waiting. I just want to pick and leave, start over. I hate his job, and I wish he'd get another one. A safer one. Like I did.

Even when the phone rings, my heart races thinking it's him, only to be disappointed, because it's not.

_She said "Some days I feel like shit,_  
_Some days I wanna quit, and just be normal for a bit,"_  
_I don't understand why you have to always be gone,_  
_I get along but the trips always feel so long,_  
_And, I find myself trying to stay by the phone,_  
_'Cause your voice always helps me to not feel so alone,_  
_But I feel like an idiot, workin' my day around the call,_  
_But when I pick up I don't have much to say,_  
_So, I want you to know it's a little fucked up,_  
_That I'm stuck here waitin', at times debatin',_  
_Tellin' you that I've had it with you and your career,_  
_Me and the rest of the family here singing "Where'd you go?"_

Max always asks me where he goes, and I never have an answer. He wants to know why his dad is never home. I always imagine what I'll say to Zach when he gets home, if he comes home, Something like, "Quit you job Zach. For me. For the kids. Please."

I miss him. God only knows how much I miss him. I can't almost see him coming through the door.

_I miss you so,_  
_Seems like it's been forever,_  
_That you've been gone._  
_Where'd you go?_  
_I miss you so,_  
_Seems like it's been forever,_  
_That you've been gone,_  
_Please come back home..._

I remember Zach's going away party out friends threw for him. A barbeque, he cooked, and it was wonderful. Then he kissed me on the lips, his mouth covered in Barbeque sauce. Maybe then it was disgusting then, but that was our last kiss. And I'd do anything to get it back.

It seems the rest of the world is his home, and were the relatives you only barely visit. I hate it. I hate him, for not coming back.

I try to do things with the girls. Try to forget about him. Every time I come home, I see Max with his beautiful green eyes. Zach's eyes. The spitting image of him. I cry. I cry all the time, over him, because I don't know whether he's dead or alive.

_You know the place where you used to live,_  
_Used to barbecue up burgers and ribs,_  
_Used to have a little party every Halloween with candy by the pile,_  
_But now, you only stop by every once and a while,_  
_Shit, I find myself just fillin' my time,_  
_With anything to keep the thought of you from my mind,_  
_I'm doin' fine, I plan to keep it that way,_  
_You can call me if you find that you have something to say,_  
_And I'll tell you, I want you to know it's a little fucked up,_  
_That I'm stuck here waitin', at times debatin',_  
_Tellin' you that I've had it with you and your career,_  
_Me and the rest of the family here singing "Where'd you go?"_

I was feeding Sean when I heard the phone ring. It was the director. My heart seemed to break, to director only ever called for one reason.

I did the only thing I could do. I picked up the phone.

_I miss you so,_  
_Seems like it's been forever,_  
_That you've been gone._  
_Where'd you go?_  
_I miss you so,_  
_Seems like it's been forever,_  
_That you've been gone,_  
_Please come back home..._

"Hello?" my voice sound hoarse, broken.

"Mrs. Goode, good news," he said. Good news? What kind of sick man was this?

"What?"

"Your husband," those were the words. "Is on his way home right now."

"What?" she repeated, clearly thinking she had not heard him correctly.

_I want you to know it's a little fucked up,_  
_That I'm stuck here waitin', no longer debatin',_  
_Tired of sittin' and hatin' and makin' these excuses,_  
_For why you're not around, and feeling so useless,_  
_It seems one thing has been true all along,_  
_You don't really know what you've got 'til it's gone,_  
_I guess I've had it with you and your career,_  
_When you come back I won't be here and you can sing it..._

"He'll be there before you know it," the director said before hanging up. She stood there for a moment, staring at the phone, before she heard the front door bang open. The phone slipped from her grasp.

"Cam?" she heard his voice. It must be a dream, she thought. "Cam? Where are you?" She could hear Max tumbling down the stairs at his father's voice.

"Daddy!" she heard the little boy yell.

"Hey Maxie. Where's your mommy?" he asked the little boy.

"In the kitchen. Feeding Sean."

"Sean?" she heard Zach ask as he made his way to the kitchen. Cammie looked down at the sleeping boy in her arms. When she looked up, Zach was in the door way, staring at her, Max jumping in his arms.

Zach's eyes dropped down to the sleeping baby, he gently set Max down and told him to go play upstairs. Max happily obliged.

"Cammie?"

_Where'd you go?_  
_I miss you so,_  
_Seems like it's been forever,_  
_That you've been gone._  
_Where'd you go?_  
_I miss you so,_  
_Seems like it's been forever,_  
_That you've been gone,_

I couldn't speak. I didn't know what to say. Zach came over and stroked my cheek, I just stared at him, not knowing what to do.

Zach broke the fragile silence. "How old is he?"

"Three months," I managed to choke out. Zach smiled and took the baby from me.

"He's mine, right?" he asked. I slapped him on the arm. Zach was smiling at Sean .

"Of course he's yours."

"Good," he said, before setting Sean down in his carrier that sat on the counter. He wrapped me in his arms, kissing my hair. He pulled back so he could kiss me.

"I thought you were dead."

"I Wouldn't die, Cam. I love you too much."

"Good because if you did, I'd bring you back to life so I could kill you again," I said. He smirked.

"Sounds good to me," he said, before kissing her again.

**_Please come back home..._**  
_Please come back home..._  
_Please come back home..._  
_Please come back home..._  
_Please come back home... _

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REVIEW


	3. Clockwork

**Okay so I loved writing this one. I had a lot of fun and i hope you enjoy it. **

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Clockwork

**Autopilot Off**

_You're probably sick of being tired_  
_You can't find the strength to close your eyes_  
_You can't let go_  
_But you can't change everything_  
_Stop laying in this burning bed_

"Zach," Cammie hissed as he led her through the dark.

"What?" he asked all to innocently, knowing she was secretly enjoying herself, though she'd never admit it.

"Where are you taking me?"

"To town," he replied, rolling his eyes.

"Town?" she asked, surprised. "Why?"

"You need a night out," he said.

"No, I don't," she said. "Zach," she said again as he continued to pulled her through the barely lit deserted part of town.

_Write it on the walls and read it_  
_Bright red so you can see it_  
_Don't fail me now_  
_Write it on the walls and read it_  
_Until there are no secrets_  
_So safe and sound_  
_At least for now_

The gazebo came into sight, immediately reminding Cammie of Josh. _What could have been_, she thought to herself.

"Gallagher girl," Zach said, interrupting her thoughts. She shot him a questioning glance. "I think your boy friend is over there," he pointed to a curly dark haired boyfriend across the street.

"He's not my boyfriend," she said, knowing he knew that perfectly well.

"Right _ex_-boyfriend," he amended sounding very happy against that fact. She slapped him on the arm. "You know," he started, "one day your going to hurt me and regret it."

"And I can't wait for that day," Cammie said sarcastically.

_Time's gonna warn you with a whisper_  
_What it wants to let you know_  
_You can't live in fear of the things that aren't for sure_  
_So stay alive by playing dead _

"Cammie!" a shrill high pitched voice rang out.

"Hey," Zach whispered in Cammie's ear. "It's Malibu barbie."

She rolled her eyes and elbowed him in the stomach. "Hi DeeDee," she said as the othe rgirl neared closer.

"Still with Zach I see," she said glancing quickly at him.

"We aren't together..."

"So are you thinking of getting back together with Josh?" DeeDee asked. Could you say forward much?

_Write it on the walls and read it_  
_Bright red so you can see it_  
_Don't fail me now_  
_Write it on the walls and read it_  
_Until there are no secrets_  
_So safe and sound_  
_Still there are lines for us to write before we close our eyes_  
_And only time will tell the ending when the ink runs dry_

"I, um," she stuttered.

"Cammie doesn't need to waste time thinking about what could have been," Zach covered smoothly. "That's her past, I'm her future. She doesn't need to have 'what ifs' about us," he said throwing an arm around Cammie's shoulders. DeeDee nodded, clearly uncomfortable.

"It was nice to see you again," Cammie said, clearing her throat.

"Yes it was. I'll see you around?"

"Yeah, maybe."

"Bye," she said and hurried off.

_Time will tell everything_  
_It's ever so quiet counting down_

Cammie turned to Zach an amused expression on her face.

"What?" he asked, the innocent tone creeping back into his voice.

"Your my future?" she asked, her heart fluttering. Get this, Zach _blushed. _Cammie wanted to laugh and grab a camera all at the same time.

"I was just trying to get her to leave," he mumbled.

"Mm hmm, like I believe that," she said sarcastically.

"You should, it's the truth."

_Write it on the walls and read it_  
_Blood red so you can see it_  
_Life leaking Out_

"Maybe part of the truth. How about you tell me what your hiding Mr. Goode," she said expectantly. Zach sighed, the adorable red color not fading from his face.

He grabbed her hand and led them over to the backside of a building.  
"Okay. . ." Cammie started. "Now I'm kinda worried." Zach rolled his eyes and pulled a fat red sharpie out of his pocket. "Do I want to know?" Cammie asked, clearly confused, but found it amusing.

"I'm not good with. . . _talking_."

"Zach your grammar is just fine," Cammie convinced.

"No, not that," he let out a low chuckle and popped the pen cap off. "I want to tsay something, and I'm not sure what to say. So I'm going to write it."

_Write it on the walls and read it_  
_(Write it down)_  
_Until there are no secrets_  
_(Oh-oh-oh, no secrets)_  
_So safe and sound_

_"Okay. . ." She said, wondering why he choose to write on the back of a building._

He nodded and turned to the wall, pressing the tip of the pen up against it. It squeaked in the silence until Zach was finished, he stepped back to let her examine the writing.

_Gallagher girl, will you be my girlfriend? _It read. Her mouth gaped open after finishing.

"Yes?" she asked but it sounded like a question. Zach's heart fell. She cuaght his expression and continued. "Yes. I will. I'm just confused, why didn't you ask me?"

"I told you I wasn't good with the whole feelings thing. Plus I wanted everyone to see it, hence the red," he said holding up the marker.

"Who knew," she muttered to herself. Zach shot her a look and she spoke up. "Who knew you were such a romantic?"

Zach grinned and pulled her to him. "Only you. Only ever you."

If she wasn't under his spell before, she certainly was now.

"Maybe Jimmy," he added. She playfully slapped him on the arm. "Kidding."

He leaned in to kissed her but she dance out of his reach he frowned at her absence. Cammie was a couple of feet away smiling stupidly at him. "What?" he asked.

"That was for ruining our moment with the Jimmy thing. Besides if this relationship is going to work, you're going to have to chase me," she sang as she skipped happily away.

He watched her for a minute admiring her.

"This is going to be fun," he said to himself as he took off after her.

_At least for now_  
_At least for now_

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**PLease Review !**

**this sotry doesnt have many reviews so if u could...**

**ANd BTW this song is from SSX 3 for the game cube for those whove played it :)**


	4. Innocence

**Ok so this might start of seeming like a JAMMIE fic but Its NOT**

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Innocence

**Avril Lavinge**

_Waking up, I see that everything is okay_  
_The first time in my life and now it's so great_  
_Slowing down, I look around and I am so amazed_  
_I think about the little things that make life great_  
_I wouldn't change a thing about it_  
_This is the best feeling_**  
**

I was in love with Joshua Abrams. I had been for years now.

He didn't know how I felt.

Of course he didn't. And I sure as hell wasn't going to tell him. How could guys be so _blind_? It really is ridiculous.

I loved him with everything I had. Or at least I thought I had.

I guess it wasn't exactly how I thought it was.

Life goes on.

_This innocence is brilliant_  
_I hope that it will stay_  
_This moment is perfect_  
_Please don't go away_  
_I need you now_  
_And I'll hold on to it_  
_Don't you let it pass you by_

_Two Years Later_

"Zach," I moaned, wrapping my legs around him. He left wet sloppy kisses down my jawline and neck. Nipping at the skin there.

"Say it again Cam," he whispered against my skin.

"Zach," I moaned again, gripping his hair with all the strength I had. He smiled against my neck, leaving hickeys all the way down.

"I love you," he whispered, bringing his lips back to mine. The words fluttered inside me and I snuggled into him, enjoying the burning sensation his skin brought to mine.

"I love you," I whispered back.

Thank god Josh hadn't loved me back all those years ago.

_I found a place so safe_  
_Not a single tear_  
_The first time in my life and now it's so clear_  
_Feel calm, I belong_  
_I'm so happy here_  
_It's so strong and now I let myself be sincere_  
_I wouldn't change a thing about it_  
_This is the best feeling_

Josh was now a high school drop-out. When he hadn't returned my feelings, I met Zach. Gorgeous, wonderful Zach.

I had never been happier. Never giving Josh the chance to spoil my life had turned out to be the best decision I ever had.

But what do you know? Josh walked right back into my life.

"Hey Cammie," he said, coming into my dorm. (A/N they're in college)

_This innocence is brilliant_  
_I hope that it will stay_  
_This moment is perfect_  
_Please don't go away_  
_I need you now_  
_And I'll hold on to it_  
_Don't you let it pass you by_

"Josh," I greeted coolly.

"It's lovely to see you again," he murmured, touching my cheek. I stepped out of his reach. Zach was currently in my bed, sleeping, naked. You could guess what we'd been up to.

"Josh. What are you doing here?"

"Cammie I know how you feel about me."

"What? Like three years ago, it was just a crush," I replied, pushing him out the door. Josh pulled me to him.

_It's the state of bliss_  
_You think you're dreaming_  
_It's the happiness inside that you're feeling_  
_It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry (x2)_

"No it wasn't. I feel something deep for you—"

"Cam?" Zach called from her bedroom. Josh raised an eyebrow.

"Got another man in the bedroom, should have guessed," he smirked. I kneed him in the balls and pushed him out the door. I closed it before double locking it.

_This innocence is brilliant_  
_(It makes you wanna cry)_  
_This innocence is brilliant_  
_(Please don't go away)_  
_Cause I need you now_  
_And I'll hold on to it_  
_Don't you let it pass you by_

Josh was gone, I felt lighter already. Being with Zach always made me happy, feel like I never did anything wrong.

Innocent.

Even though anything we did was rarely 'innocent'.

_This innocence is brilliant_  
_(So beautiful, so beautiful)_  
_I hope that it will stay_  
_This moment is perfect_  
_Please don't go away_  
_I need you now_  
_(It makes me want to cry)_  
_And I'll hold on to it_  
_Don't you let it pass you by

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_Short Ik, oh well, review_


	5. Leave Out All the Rest

**Hey I know i havent updates this story in a while but i was working on my other 2. PLease enjoy except this one extremly sad. sorry. **

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Leave Out All the Rest

**Linkin Park **

_I dreamed I was missing_

_You were so scared_

_But no one would listen_

_Cause no one else cared_

I was about to die. I wasn't scared; there were worse things than death. Cammie hating me for the rest of my life certainly counts as one of them. That was why I was doing it, wasn't it, for her. It was always for her.  
I had screwed up this time. I'm not talking she's-going-to-make-me-sleep-on-the-couch screw up, I'm talking about I-never-want –to-see-your-lying-face-again screw up.

_After my dreaming_

_I woke with this fear_

_What am I leaving_

_When I'm done here_

She hated me. I got that. I _deserved _it.  
Now that I'm about to die there only one thing I want her to do. Not that I have any right to ask her for anything at all.  
I want her to remember me as I was, before.

_So if you're asking me_

_I want you to know_

Before things screwed up.  
Before _I _screwed up.  
Before I broke her.  
Before.

_When my time comes_

_Forget the wrong that I've done_

_Help me leave behind some_

_Reasons to be missed_

When she hears my name I want her to smile as she remembers all the summer nights, the nights when we'd sneak out, her laugh echoing through the dark night.

_And don't resent me_

_And when you're feeling empty_

_Keep me in your memory_

I loved her laugh.  
I loved her.

_Leave out all the rest_

_Leave out all the rest_

_Don't be afraid_

_I've taken my beating_

_I've shed but I made_

I had made the mistake of telling her I loved her. Sure, she'd been happy at the time and squealed it back to me. She didn't know the impact of those three words. Those eight letters.

_I'm strong on the surface_

_Not all the way through_

_I've never been perfect_

_But neither have you_

"I can't do this anymore," I had said to Cammie as I shoved the clothes roughly into the bag. I was lying, of course. _They _were making me, what other choice did I have? Let them kill her? _No effing way_.

_I'm strong on the surface_

_Not all the way through_

_I've never been perfect_

_But neither have you_

Then even after I had left they took her. From me. From her friends, her family. They hadn't come through on their side of the bargain: I skip town, they leave her alone.

_I'm strong on the surface_

_Not all the way through_

_I've never been perfect_

_But neither have you_

Apparently they didn't know what _alone _meant.

Cammie hated me because I left.  
I hated myself because I left.

_So if you're asking me_

_I want you to know_

_When my time comes_

_Forget the wrong that I've done_

_Help me leave behind some_

_Reasons to be missed_

Cammie was safe, now. I had taken her place. I want her to remember me. Not as the horrible person she made me out to be. But the sweet, caring one, the only side I would ever show to her. And her alone. I don't want Bex and Macey to dance on my grave, I'd prefer them to pay respects. After all, I had done it, so I'd thought, to protect Cammie. Cammie didn't know I'd taken her place. Probably never would. Not till it was too late.

_Don't resent me_

_And when you're feeling empty_

_Keep me in your memory_

_Leave out all the rest_

_Leave out all the rest_

Cammie thought she'd escaped, but they let her go. I had made them decided. Me or her . . . I made them pick me. No questions asked.  
Now as the gasoline around me was spilled, the matches dangling from strings high above my head, barely hanging by each thread, threatening to fall.

_Forgetting_

_All the hurt inside_

_You've learned to hide so well_

When the first one fell, it would be all over. I couldn't reach them, too high, even if I could, I don't think I would. I deserved this.

_Pretending_

_Someone else can come and save me from myself_

_I can't be who you are_

After I had hurt Cammie that way I preferred to be dead. _This is the only way_.  
The thing I wanted most right now was for Cammie not to think of all the horrible things I had done to her. Whenever I was cruel, staying out to late, lying, she forgave me, she bit her lip and turned away. I use to admire her for it, but now, looking back I wish she had said something. Then maybe, maybe, things wouldn't have blown up so badly. Maybe my life wouldn't have ended so soon. I wish she had pushed me harder to do the things she wanted. I wish I was more loyal. I pray that she remembers me; maybe she'll leave out all the rest. Leave out everything bad I had done to her, the horrible fate I had brought upon her family.

_When my time comes_

_Forget the wrong that I've done_

_Help me leave behind some_

_Reasons to be missed_

_Don't resent me_

_And when you're feeling empty_

_Keep me in your memory_

Right now I seemed to think she'd sweep in through the door blow out all the matches, save me. It wouldn't happen though. I had been the one to save her. Like Harvey Dent had said in _The Dark Night _"you either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain." The only problem was I hadn't been either. I _was _the villain, and I was about to die.  
I only could only hope Cammie would find a way to forgive me. For everything.  
The first match fell.

_Leave out all the rest_

_Leave out all the rest

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** I'm a dork i know, quoting the dark knight, but it was a great movie so :P sorry bout the sadness but all this zammie happy is getting me sicki :)**


	6. Holding Onto You

Holding On To You 

_Another year is gone so fast  
Another life becomes the past  
Under the weight of dreams  
That I never thought would last _

Zach sits by the window, silently regarding Cammie, who was currently sleeping in her bed, safe and sound. She doesn't know he's here, he watching over her, for her sake and his own.

_Feelings clash_

She mumbles in her sleep before turning over and relapsing into her deep slumber. Satisfied she is still asleep unharmed, he turns his gaze to the window, staring at the SWAT vans below, also trying to protect the girl sleeping in the bed. It had been hell sneaking in, past security, but he had to see her.

Seeing her gave him hope, made him stronger. It gave him a sensation of being safe and happy, if he could, he'd be with her all the time.  
All the time.

_And set a light across the globe_

_This window seat becomes my home_

_I lie awake for hours_

_Staring at the world below_

He watches the officers in black uniforms stumble around in the darkness, disclosured with the lack of sleep. Some of them are on the grass or pavement, sleeping. Others were more attentive, standing up straight, completely on guard.

Zach relaxes into the window seat as it becomes warmers, the perfect spot, he could watch Cammie, while still keeping an eye on the outside way. Lately the window seat had become a home, he didn't know if Cammie noticed he'd been there almost every night for the past month. If she did, she never seemed to show it, of course, he only watched her when she was asleep. It was the only way, she couldn't know he was here; nobody could. Zach felt like he hadn't slept in forever, his eyelids dropping down. Between staying awake, watching Cammie at night and going back to Blackthorne before dawn hit, it was a tiring life. He hadn't been back to Blackthorne recently, the sergeants probably thought he bailed and ran away. He couldn't handle it anymore- his hours from going back and forth were cut in half, and he could see Cammie as long.

_Into the ways again I go_

_Holding on to you_

_I found a way to make it through_

_By holding on to you_

He felt his eyelids droop close, as he struggled to hang onto consciences.

_Just a couple of hours, no thirty minutes tops. _ He thought to himself.

_Another night has slipped away _

_Wishing the time would let me stay _

_Stuck in between two lives _

_That could never be the same_

"Zach," a voice said softly, the voice of an angel. "Wake up," the hypnotizing voice sang in his ear.

He opened his eyes, immediately he had slept to long. Cammie stood in front of him, her hair dangling over her shoulder, one hand resting on his arm.

_I remain without a chance_

_To say to you that_

_Every word I said was true_

_I lie awake all night_

_Just staring back at you_

"Morning Gallagher girl," he greeted cockily.

She smiled, at his heart warmed, he hadn't seen her smile in ages.

"Good morning. Can I ask what you're doing here?"

"I needed somewhere to crash," Zach said lamely, and rather unconvincingly.

_Into the ways again I go _

_Holding on to you _

_I found a way to make it through _

_Holding on to you_

"Nu uh," she said, a cheeky smile replacing her angelic one.

"Yeah huh," he replied, yawning a bit.

"I know you've been here a lot late Zach. I know you're scent," she said.

"What are you?" Zach asked. "A dog?"

_Just one more day_

_Well make it through_

_Will you still feel the same way_

_That I do? That I do_

Cammie rolled her eyes. "No, idiot, I'm a spy."

"Right."

She bent her face closer. "Care to explain?" she asked. Zach felt himself being drawn forward as he answered her. His eyes open, welcoming; then suddenly they flashed a warning and became guarded once more, he pulled his head away. He couldn't afford to lose her. He had to keep his lives separate, if he didn't, it would spell disaster for the both of them.

_Holding on to you _

_Noo _

_You feel the same way I do _

_Holding on to you _

_Noo_

"I can't tell you that."

"Does anyone else know you're here?" she asked, her features becoming emotionless as well. Zach hated that he had made her close off like that, but she was just reciprocating his own actions.

_Into the ways again I go _

_Holding on to you _

_I found a way to make it through _

_Holding on to you_

"No," he said, the words seeming finalized between them. "I've got to go. I've been here too long."

Cammie's eyes became sad and he reached up, creasing the frown lines away.

"I'll come back," he whispered, the words spilling out of his mouth before he could stop them. "I swear."

Something flashed behind her eyes, but Zach didn't have enough time to realize what it was. Zach gave a warm, rare smile he reserved only for her before standing up.

_Into the ways again I go _

_Holding on to you _

_I found a way to make it through _

_So Im holding on to you_

"Zach," she said quietly, her voice low.

"Yeah?" he asked, stretching, trying to stretch their time out.

"Don't say that if it isn't true."

Zach trained his gaze on her as he realized the emotion that had been passing through her eyes was doubt. She doubted him.

Suddenly, he was grasping her hand, gripping it tightly. "It is true, I promise. I _will_ come back."

Cammie nodded stiffly, unconvinced. Zach sighed, running a hand through his hair.

"Cammie," he mumbled, not able to talk in his usual, strong cocky voice. And before she knew it she was wrapped tightly in his arms, chin resting a top her head. "Cammie," he repeated, louder this time.

"Zach?" Cammie asked, questioningly but returned the gesture, clutching him in the same way he was doing to her.

His lips brush across her head, to her forehead, as he pulled back to look her in the eyes. He ducked his head in, his eyes dropping to her lips, and she knew he was going to kiss her. She _wanted _him to kiss her. Cammie noticed he was shaking, Zachary Goode _shaking_. Because he was nervous. Cammie felt her stomach untie the knots of doubt as she brought his head forward, meeting his lips with her own.

It was a hard, promising kiss; one Zach felt Cammie should know what it meant. He was sealing his promise. He _would _come back.

Zach pulled away before it could get too heated, his eyes burned into her, binding the unspoken promise.

Cammie looked as if she wanted to say something, but the words fell silent and she closed her mouths, biting her tongue.

Then he let her go, reluctant to feel her heat drain from his body.

_Into the ways again I go _

_Holding on to you _

_I found a way to make it through _

_So Im holding on to you_

"You'll come back?" she repeated, as if needing confirmation.

"For you," he replied. "Only for you."

Cammie smiled, giving him a quick tender peck on the mouth.

Zach was suddenly staring at her with such an intensity, she wanted to look away. Then he broke their gaze.

"Bye, Gallagher girl," he said.

Cammie felt herself give him a sad smile. "Good bye Blackthorne boy." N

Then Zach was out of the room, only as swift as a spy could be, too fast for Cammie's eyes to follow. She sat back on her bed before closing her and running her fingers over her lips, the electric current still charging through her.

For the first time since Zach had first left the house after watching Cammie, he didn't feel regret or remorse. He felt calm, like he'd finally come to terms. His whole mind was serene. Even though he hadn't wanted to leave, he knew it was his obligation. If he wanted to keep her safe, he couldn't be with her all the time, he'd have to protect from a distance, so she wouldn't know he was watching.

He would have to be more careful.

But he would see her again, and that was all that mattered.

_I love you. _

And even though neither of the two had spoken the words, they seemed to echo around inside their heads, somehow knowing it was true.

_Just one more day _

_Well make it through _

_Well make it through

* * *

_

**_I know that I haven't updated this in forever but I heard this song (ITS AWESOME!) and I just had to. :)_**

**_ I hope you liked it. _**

**_Review?  
Please?  
_**


	7. It Is What It Is

_It Is What It Is _

_-Life House _

* * *

All his life he'd taken the easy way out of things: he cheated his way through most of high school and his daddy was sure to pay his way through college when the time came. He was never big on responsibility. He chose to bail out if something got too hard. He didn't like commitments: especially to girls. He hated clingy girls that just stuck to him like glue. But one day he found a girl that wasn't like that. One his parents liked, and more importantly one _he_ liked. She was beautiful in the subtle kind of way, a kind of way you didn't notice until you looked a closer. She was dusted diamond in a coal mine and he changed him.

_I was only looking for a shortcut home _  
_But it's complicated, __So complicated _

Not completely of course, he still did things halfway but he made a point to be respectful to her. Not to treat her like she was dirt, to keep her in mind if he was about to do something stupid.

She was his saving grace if you wanted to put a label to it. He stopped taking short cuts and began going the full way to please her, happy that he could be one of the only people in her world to make her smile. He was morphed into the kind of person his mother had always wanted him to be.

Up until today, when she told him a bit of new he had a hard time believing.

"You're pregnant?" he repeated, long minutes after she had told him. She nodded again, tears running down her face and a scared look in her eyes.

_Somewhere in this city is a road I know _  
_Where we could make it _  
_But maybe there's no making it now _

His hand was on his head, he obviously couldn't believe the news. And obviously he wasn't happy about it. "No," he muttered. "You can't be. This can't be happening to be."

But it was. She didn't say anything: she was too busy crying. And Zach's mind was racing too far into the future to care at the moment.

"I've got to go," he said to her, barely aware he was speaking. "I can't be the father of a baby."

Was all he said before heading out the door, his mind completely in slow motion.

_Too long we've been denying _  
_Now we're both tired of trying _  
_We hit a wall and we can't get over it _

He walked the cold January streets by himself, his hands buried deep in his pockets. He was crossing the icy bridge when he heard his phone ringing. He knew it was her, without even looking. He double checked, glancing at the screen before turning his phone off and dropping it in his pocket. He wasn't ready for this.

With Cammie he'd overcome so many things. He became a man someone could be proud of, someone worthy of a girl like Cammie. But this wasn't just a small price this was a baby, a _life_.

He wasn't ready for that kind of responsibility. He supposed this was the end of the road, if he made her give up the baby she would never forgive him. They'd talked about it before. She was completely against abortion and made it clear to him. Of course those conversations were hypothetical; neither of them had planned for this.

They'd hit a wall in their relationship. And it wasn't one they could get around or break down.

_Nothing to relive _  
_It's water under the bridge _  
_You said it, I get it _  
_I guess it is what it is _

He never returned her call. Or the several that followed. He broke contact and soon enough she got the message: he didn't want to be a part of hers or the child's life.

Months passed and he found himself on that bridge, staring at the icy water turn warmer. The year got warmer and his heart turned colder. He often pictured himself with images of the baby in his hands, a sonogram of what Cammie sent him.

Obviously she was still trying even if she knew he'd given up on her. There was one picture which made him particularly emotional.

He stared down at the picture, the fetus morphed into a shape that could be recognized as a baby. He flipped it over and in Cammie's neat handwriting it said: _it's a boy!_

_I was only trying to bury the pain  
But I made you cry and I can't stop the crying  
Was only trying to save me  
But I lost you again  
_

He felt a lump in his throat and he had flashes of a son in his arms, Cammie watching from nearby chair. With effort he releases his hold on the picture, allowing it to flutter down into the river, the water swallowing it.

He watched the river for a second before turning his head away and walking off of the bridge. He had regretted it: tossing the picture away.

But he supposed it was like literal water under the bridge and he had one last thought: _it is what it is_.

_Now there's only lying _  
_Wish I could say it's only me _

_He now avoided the bridge, taking the long way home, walking unfamiliar streets instead of the br_idge he'd always known.

One day his phone ring and he answered it, not expecting the voice he heard. "Zach Goode?" an unrecognizable voice called.

"Yes," he said, clearing his throat. "Who is this?"

"Dr. Fringe, I just delivered you're son."

The words were painful for Zach to hear. "I didn't want anything to—" he started, his voice unsteady.

"There's been a complication," the doctor interrupted.

_Too long we've been denying _  
_Now we're both tired of trying _  
_We hit a wall and we can't get over it _  
_Nothing to relive _

"Complication?" Zach repeated, only now hearing the doctor's urgent tone.

"It's Cammie," Dr. Fringe said.

"Cammie," Zach whispered. "Is she okay?"

"Now at the moment and there's a good chance that she won't make it. We need you to come to the hospital to sign—"

"Yeah," Zach said, even though he felt like every muscle in his body had frozen. "I'll be there in a minute."

After he had hung up no one had moved so quickly in their life. He darted to his car and sped to the hospital, breaking a dozen traffic laws.

"Cammie Morgan?" he said to the receptionist.

The receptionist had a look of guilt in her eyes and Zach was certain he was too late. A tall man came around the corner.

"You must me Zach," he said, his voice grave. "Come with me."

_It's water under the bridge _  
_You said it, I get it _  
_I guess it is what it is_

His nerves were jumping and he couldn't stand the anticipation.

"Is Cammie—?"

The doctor pointed to an upcoming room. "She's in there."

Zach nodded and pushed the door open. She was lying on the bed, sickly and pale, her eyes closed. He was share she was dead.

But then he noticed the heart monitor, the wavelengths going up and down at an incredibly slow steady pace. He let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding.

"Cammie," the names barely left his lips.

Dr. Fringe returned to the room, a tiny sleeping baby in his arms.

_Here it comes ready or not _  
_We both found out it's not how we thought _  
_That it would be, how it would be _

"Is that—?"

The doctor nodded and gently handed the child to Zach. Zach was unsure of how to hold him but he was certain he wasn't going to drop a baby, none the less his own.

The baby curled to his chest, as if he knew who Zach was, sighing deeply in his sleep. Zach had never seen anything to beautiful in his life.

"Does he have a name?" he asked the doctor.

He nodded. "Cammie said Ethan. Ethan Zachary Goode."

_If the time could turn us around _  
_What once was lost may be found _  
_For you and me, for you and me _

Goode. She had made the child have his name.

Zach took a seat next to Cammie's bed side, and held little Ethan in his arms.

"Is she going to be okay?' he quietly asked the doctor.

The doctor looked unsure. "We're hoping. Right now she is. But she lost a lot of blood and we aren't sure if the bleeding will continue or not. It's hard to say."

Zach sucked in a breath.

"I need you to sign your baby rights away," the doctor then said.

Zach looked at him. "What?"

"Cammie mentioned you didn't want to be a part of his life. I assumed nothing has changed."

Zach shook his head. "I'm not signing anything," he looked back down at the sleeping boy in his arms. "For anyone."

Zach was looking at Ethan and missed the doctor's smile.

"That's fine," the doctor said, retreating. "I'll let you know if anything changes."

Zach nodded, resting his gaze on Cammie.

_Too long we've been denying _  
_Now we're both tired of trying _  
_We hit a wall and we can't get over it _  
_Nothing to relive _

"I'm sorry baby," he said to her. "I'm so sorry. You were right all along. And I'm an idiot. I can't believe how stupid and thoughtless I —"

"He's beautiful," a raspy voice came from Cammie's lips. "Isn't he?"

Zach had tears in his eyes. "Cammie," he whispered.

"He has your eyes," she said weakly, her hand finding his on the bed.

"I love you," he said to her.

_It's water under the bridge _  
_You said it, I get it _  
_I guess it is what it is _

The corners of her lips turned up into a smile. "I know," she whispered. "I've always known that."

"You can't leave me."

She shook her head. "I'm not going to."

"I will never leave you. I swear—"

"I know," she said again. "You were scared. It's okay."

He sighed, and kissed her hand. "I don't deserve you."

She shook her head and her smile seemed to make her come to life. "I know."

_I was only looking for a shortcut home _  
_But it's complicated _  
_So complicated_

* * *

_Just a quick sonfic I wrote. :) I know I haven't updated this in forever but I absolutely adore songfics. I hope you guys all loved it!_


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